Why I probably haven't been writing

Wow, it has been about a year since I last posted to this blog. And here I thought that by now I would have something finished and published. Not so much!

I often struggle with getting my words and stories out of my head and onto paper. There is no shortage of ideas. I can see storylines from start to finish. I can envision characters as if they were real-life friends with whom I had just had a casual dinner. They just stick in my head. Some kind of fear appears to be the barrier for their dismissal from my brain. Why is this??

Today, I had an epiphany. After four years of waiting, one of my all-time favorite novels was finally on sale for Kindle. I have read Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier dozens of times. I have seen the movie just about as many. Both the book and the movie are family favorites. I remember a sort of phone chain that existed along my father's side of the family, any time that the movie was going to be on TV. I own multiple copies of the book, including one version that ties into the movie. 

When my father was in a coma four years ago, I tried to keep his brain engaged by talking to him and reading to him. I really wanted to read Rebecca to him, but didn't want to spend $8 for a Kindle copy to read on my phone. I settled for Jane Eyre, instead. (Another family favorite.) I have kept my eye on the book, occasionally checking on it, but it has always been expensive.

FINALLY, today, it was on BookGorilla for the lovely sale price of $2.99. I immediately snagged it. I settled into my friends' pool and opened it up. 

...Last night I dreamed I went to Manderley again...

Immediately, I was swept away.

I read the first few chapters while soaking in the pool and hot tub. I savored every single word as if it were a sweet morsel of decadent dessert. I found myself getting emotional. Then, I sent my best friend the following text:

I know part of the reason I don't finish my stories. Because my words will never achieve the poetic perfection and imagery of people like Daphne du Maurier.

She totally understood and doesn't blame me. I want to put out the best of me.

I love many contemporary authors. I realize that I would also be a contemporary author. People such as du Maurier, Austen, and the Brontes lived in a completely different time period. Perhaps that has something to do with why their words are so much more eloquent. I still think that good writers today should be able to have their own spin on this style of writing. That's what I want to do. I want my words to evoke images and emotions as they are woven together. I want my words to stand the test of time. I want people to read them again and again. Perhaps I have placed the bar a little too high for myself. That is a fault of mine, yet a fundamental part of who I am.

So, how do I fix this? I really don't know. I already read constantly. I do write a lot, as I pen reviews of the books that I read. I know that I need to write my other stuff on a daily basis (or on some other regular schedule). I don't always have the time, nor the inclination to do so. And, I now realize, that I don't have the faith in myself to do it, either. I guess I need to get over myself and just start getting stuff out there. We shall see how this goes.